Onslaught

She cocked her head back and fired a stare to fracture his heart; the shotgun made no noise, and the blood from the entry point vanished. He turned away, but she could see his twitching eyes, his rumbling fingertips. He twisted back and took the onslaught head-on, gauging his chance for survival. And, then, she asked, β€œWhat?”

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14 comments so far

  1. ThomG on

    Wickedly wonderful, my young friend.

    (Dad’s back in the hospital, which has slowed my work on your manuscript. Working on it.)

  2. Seher, the real thing on

    OUCH!!! πŸ™‚

    but then this is terrific writing

    My 3WW

  3. andy sewina. on

    Wonderful opening line! The to and fro and the final question. Wow!

  4. Americanising Desi *AD on

    and then she asked WHAT!

    ahaan!

    good attempt

    Elegant Expressions

  5. Jane Doe on

    I love the ending, that is priceless. Good use of the words.

  6. Melissa on

    LOL I Love it when I get a surprise reaction. This is great

  7. Michelle Johnson on

    LOL, this is great writing. I can see this scene unfolding so clearly. Keep up the good work. Have a great night.

  8. BabbleAmble on

    Makes me want to know more about their relationship, and what he was going to ask.

  9. Tumblewords on

    Perfect!

  10. April Belle on

    Brilliant. I adored this… hit me like a shot of perfection.

  11. Just Someone on

    Wow! Interesting…

  12. Asleep On My Feet on

    Ouch. Been there…

  13. Mark on

    Read like great shooting pains should. πŸ™‚

  14. Leo on

    well written! stares can be deadly too!


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